Stop Shit Music

Back before Rihanna was actually quite good, she threatened to disappear into the abyss of soundalike R&B females, droning on and on about love and relationships with the occasional afterthought for female empowerment and neo-feminism.

‘Unfaithful’ stands out as a dire effort at a meaningful ballad with some of the stupidest lyrics ever heard.  The opening verses are incomprehensible, disparate sentences held together by a melody. ‘And this is more than a love,’ is followed by ‘the reason that the sky is blue’.  It’s a lyrical jigsaw puzzle but upon opening the box you’ve discovered there are pieces missing and you’ll never see the full picture.

More cryptic though is the chorus. Oddly prescient, Rihanna can see her man dying every time she leaves to cheat on him. It’s like cigarettes, every time Rihanna leaves the house it takes five minutes off your life. She frets about being a murderer, oblivious to the fact that she hasn’t murdered anyone or at least that much is clear from the song.

Then she whines that she ‘don’t wanna do this anymore’, well then don’t do it? That much seems simple enough. But no that simple plan is too much for Rihanna! She muses that she ‘might as well put a gun to his head’. I’d hate to see how she deals with other problems. Car has a flat tyre? Run it off a cliff!

But that was as bad as things got for Rihanna, she’s turned her life around and now releases music that sounds good but also makes sense lyrically. Now I’ll just disappear before I start thinking of exceptions.