Stop Shit Music

I’m not one of those people who tries to affect an air of cool by pretending they don’t love the music of Phil Collins. I’ve never in my heart understood why his music should get such a bad rep. Pound for pound it’s not…terrible. I mean there’s some stuff there that you wouldn’t like to have betrayed by headphone leakage on a bus journey, but some of it is okay. I mean, Sussudio anyone? In The Air Tonight? No?

Yeah you’re right. He’s a bastard isn’t he? And he looks ridiculous, like a potato with hair.

But this song is perhaps the gravest of his myriad sins:

She calls out to the man on the street
“Sir, can you help me?
It’s cold and I’ve nowhere to sleep,
Is there somewhere you can tell me?”

He walks on, doesn’t look back
He pretends he can’t hear her
Starts to whistle as he crosses the street
Seems embarrassed to be there

Oh think twice, it’s another day for
You and me in paradise
Oh think twice, it’s just another day for you,
You and me in paradise

Yeah that’s a great message, helping those less fortunate than yourself but…why don’t you help her Phil? You’ve got more money than me! You are more likely to have spare rooms in your house! Stop being such a sanctimonious git and help the woman in the song! Instead of preaching to us about why we’re so lucky to live in a world where we can afford to buy Phil Collins albums. Being lectured at to help the less fortunate by something with £115m in the bank is not great motivation.

It’s sort of like the urban legend that accompanies ‘In The Air Tonight’ – to quote Eminem:

You know the song by Phil Collins, “In the Air Tonight”About that guy who coulda saved that other guy from drowning. But didn’t, then Phil saw it all, then at a show he found him?

Yeah so in that scenario, Phil Collins apparently could have saved the drowning man too but presumably would have been weighed down by all the cash in his wallet. And now he’s witnessing a man not help a homeless woman and then criticising him for it. The hypocrite. He probably watched the whole thing through a diamond-plated monocle.  What an utter bastard.