Nicki Minaj says ‘fuck you gardening tools’
Just like Labi Siffre I’ve witnessed something so morally reprehensible and disgusting that it has forced me out of my self-imposed 
retirement.
In 1985 Siffre witnessed documentary footage of a white police officer shooting black children in South Africa. He was so moved by this atrocity that he penned the timeless anti-Apartheid anthem ‘Something Inside So Strong‘. Whereas I, well… I heard a song by Nicki Minaj, called ‘Stupid Hoe’
First of all, let’s be clear that there are some, though very few, good points about this song. At long last! Someone has successfully soundtracked the experience of living through a minor earthquake: lots of sirens going off and your CD player skipping. Also there’s now an anthem for anyone who has ever felt an irrational anger towards gardening equipment.
And yet despite this, there’s so much to be angry about. It’s the sort of music that makes you wonder if you’re getting older because the music the young, fucking stupid people, apparently listen to these days is ‘just a lot of noise’ to you, or if this is genuinely ‘just a lot of noise’. I can’t help but feel it’s the latter, surely.
There’s times when this borders on parody. It’s hard to believe that any intelligent being could seriously think lines like ’Stupid hoes is my enemy, stupid hoes is so wack’ deserve to be coming out of anything other than a horse’s ass.
It’s so fucking depressingly awful that its hard to even get angry about because it’s so soul-destroying and defeating. The sheer inanity of it all! What sort of shit-brained attempt at an insult is ‘you’re just a stupid hoe’ anyway? Even a response as feeble as ‘I know you are but what am I?’ is too good for that.
I always thought it was really unfair how people ridiculed Rebecca Black for her pisspoor efforts at songwriting, especially when people like Nicki Minaj, twice her age and making more spirited attempts to pretend to be some sort of musical entity get by without the same, although much more warranted torrents of abuse. But one thing that this abhorrent piece of musical tragedy proves, there’s nothing fair about anything, anywhere, at all.
